Why did a group of Columbians run away from a computer lab?
Because the computer said you have performed an illegal operation and will be shutdown.
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You Might be a Redneck
If you have more hair than your dog does.
If your dog has more teeth than you have.
If your child's car seat is strapped down in the bed of your pick-up truck.
The only officer that is pursuing you is a game warden then you might be a redneck.
If your tires on your truck set higher than the actual truck..
If you live in a two story trailer.
The plastic deer in your yard is a target, rather than a decoration.
Your front porch collapses, and kills more than 5 dogs.
Your deer rifle is worth more than the pickup truck you carry it in.
You use bread twisters for ornament hooks on your Christmas tree.
You think "recycle" means to ride your bike again.
You've spent more money at the good will store than at the supermarket.
You might be a redneck... if you use your great uncle's underpants for cleaning rags.
Tonight's supper was too slow crossing the road this morning.
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Cough Syrup
The owner of this drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.
The owner asks the new clerk: "What's with the guy over there by the wall?"
The new clerk responds: "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I
couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative"
The owner, wide-eyed and excited shouts: "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a bottle of
laxatives!"
The new clerk calmly responds: "Of course you can! Look at him, he's afraid to cough."
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Pinocchio and Splinters
One day Pinocchio came to Gepetto with a problem.
"Every time I have sex with my girlfriend, she gets splinters. What can I do about this?"
"Have you tried sandpaper?" Pinocchio hadn't, so he went to try it.
"Pinnochio," said Gepetto a few weeks later. "How is the problem work out with your
"Girlfriend?" said Pinnochio. "Who needs a girlfriend when you have sandpaper?"