WastedTimes

[hbgator]

MNC-I (Multi-National Corps-Iraq)
The chicken-crossing situation is reflected in an amber-rated capability within only those regions prioritized to receive road-marking equipment and should not be confused with units non-operationally qualified to partner yet with chicken crossers.
This will be briefed in the next conference.

MNSTC-I (Multi-National Security Transition Command-Iraq)
The fact that the Iraqi chicken crossed the road affirmatively demonstrates that decision-making authority has been transferred to the chicken well in advance of the scheduled transition of power. From now on, the chicken is responsible for its own decisions.

U.S. Army division
The chicken was not authorized to cross the road without two forms of picture identification. Thus, the chicken was appropriately detained and searched in accordance with [standard operating procedures]. We apologize for any embarrassment to the chicken. As a result of this unfortunate incident, the command has instituted a gender sensitivity training program and all future chicken searches will be carried out by female soldiers.

U.S. Marine Corps
The chicken is dead.

U.S. Air Force
In the last seven days the USAF has cargo-lifted 732,361 chickens across 852 roads.

Blackwater (security contractor)
We cannot confirm any involvement in the chicken road-crossing incident.

Halliburton/Kellogg Brown & Root
We were asked to help the chicken cross the road. Given the inherent risk of road crossing and the rarity of chickens, this operation will only cost the U.S. government $326,004.99.

Peshmerga
The chicken crossed the road, and will continue to cross the road, to show its independence and to transport the weapons it needs to defend itself. However, in the future, to avoid problems, the chicken will be called a duck, and will wear a plastic bill.

Al-Jazeera
The chicken was forced to cross the road multiple times at gunpoint by a large group of coalition soldiers, according to eyewitnesses. The chicken was then fired upon intentionally, in yet another example of the abuse of innocent Iraqi chickens.

Moqtada al-Sadr
The chicken is a tool of the evil coalition and will be killed.