WastedTimes

[Warlord]

Subject: Golf Quotes


1. Winston Churchill: "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow
pasture."

2. Jack Benny: "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round
of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf."

3. Lee Trevino: "You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my
ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work."

4 Unknown: "Golf is not a game, its bondage. It was obviously devised by a
man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins."

5. Hank Aaron: "It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I
did it in one afternoon on the golf course."

6. Lee Trevino: "Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of
strokes when you consider the course."

7. Lee Trevino: "I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew
tomatoes, they'd come up sliced."

8. Sam Snead: "These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the
ball and hit it with the shadow."

9. Paul Harvey: "Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and
write down five."

10. Tommy Bolt, about the tempers of modern players: "They throw
their clubs backwards, and that's wrong. You should always throw a club
ahead of you so that you don't have to walk any extra distance to get it."

11. Tommy Bolt: "Putting allows the touchy golfer two to four
opportunities to blow a gasket in the short space of two to forty feet."

12. Jimmy Demaret: " Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy
without being good at."

13. Jack Lemmon: "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball."

14. Lee Trevino: "If you're caught on a golf course during a storm
and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron."

15. Unknown: "Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one
black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan.
Today it's called the PGA Tour."

16. John Updike: "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child.
Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their
frequent inability to count past five."

17. "Silk Stockings" TV Show: "The people who gave us golf
and called it a game are the same people who gave us bag pipes
and called it music."

18. Gerald Ford: "I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that
during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose."

19. P.G. Wodehouse: "The least thing upsets him on the links. He missed
short putts because of the uproar of butterflies in the adjoining meadows."

20. Bob Hope: If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast.
If God wants to play through, let him."

21. Ken Harrelson: "In baseball you hit your home run over the right-field fence,
the left-field fence, the center-field fence. Nobody cares.
In golf everything has got to be right over second base."

22. Chi Chi Rodriguez: "The first time I played the Masters, I was so
nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life."

23. Chi Chi Rodriguez: "After all these years, it's still embarrassing for
me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie
for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye."

24. Tommy Bolt: Toward the end of one of his infamous high-volume,
temperamental, club-throwing rounds, asked his caddie for a club
recommendation for a shot of about 155 yards. His caddie said, "I'd say
either a 3-iron or a wedge, sir." "A 3- iron or a wedge?" asked Bolt,
"What kind of stupid choice is that?" "Those are the only two clubs you have left, sir." said the caddie.