Walking the Dog
A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?
Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."
"What's that mean?" asked the child.
"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk
around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come
to you."
Dad said, "Bring Belle over here."
He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it
and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one
time around the block."
The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"
The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another
dog is pushing her home."
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Scaring the Kids
A man comes home from work and hears his wife yelling. He runs up the stairs and finds her in bed naked; he asks his wife what's wrong.
She says she's having a heart attack. He runs downstairs to call 911 where he finds his 5 year old son.
The boy cries, "Daddy, uncle's in the closet naked!"
So he runs back upstairs and opens the closet and sure enough there was his brother naked in his closet.
"I can't believe it!" he yells, "My wife has an emergency and you're running around scaring the kids!"
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20 Dollars
Two men are in a bar getting drunk. Suddenly one of them throws up all over himself.
He says "Oh, no. Now my wife will kill me".
His friend says "Don't worry. Just tuck a twenty dollar bill in your breast pocket
and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars
for the dry cleaning bill".
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.
Eventually he reels home and his wife starts to give him a bad time.
"You reek of alcohol and you've thrown up all over yourself, my God you're
disgusting" etc.
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, he says, "Wait. It's not what you think.
I only had one drink, but this man was sick on me. He'd obviously had one too
many, or else he just couldn't hold his liquor. He was very sorry and he gave me
twenty dollars for the cleaning bill. Look in my breast pocket."
She looks in his breast pocket and says, "But this is forty dollars".
"Ah, yes." says the man. "He pee'd in my trousers too".
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