WastedTimes

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wa ...

DADDY! HOW WAS I BORN?" Junior asks his dad,

His dad, who is a software engineer sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!"

"Well, I ...

Actual Court Proceedings
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters tha ...

A guy on a date parks and gets the girl in the back seat and they make love. The girl wants it again and the guy obliges her. She wants more and they do it again. She still wants more and the guy says ...

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2007 when....

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone num ...

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial-a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, ...

A guy goes into a bar and says, "Quick, gimme a beer before the trouble starts!" The barman looks around the sleepy bar, shrugs and hands the guy a bottle of beer.

The guy drinks it fast. ...

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver's door.

"Is there a problem Officer?"

The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your li ...

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical
malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and
communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, ...

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops ...

Robot Bartender

A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot
bartender. The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and
then asks him," What's your IQ?" The man re ...

Did you hear about the gay magician?
He vanished with a poof.

Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?
He bought a warehouse.

Mickey Mouse has been thrown out of Disneyland. Not sure, but I h ...

An American and an Italian were seated next to an Englishman on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.

"Last night I made love to my wife four t ...

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband ...

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was pl ...