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Jah Ji

Wed 08 Feb, 2006


Aeronautical Humor

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After every flight,<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Qantas pilots fill out a form,<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> called a <b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>"gripe sheet,<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>"<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> The mechanics correct the problems,<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> document their repairs on the form,<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> and thenpilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> <b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas's pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> <b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> By the way,<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>(P=<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> The problem logged by the pilot.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>)<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>(S=<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> The solution and action taken by mechanics.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>)<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Almost replaced left inside main tire.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Test flight OK,<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> except auto-land very rough.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Something loose in cockpit.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Something tightened in cockpit.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Dead bugs on windshield.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Live bugs on back-order.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Cannot reproduce problem on ground.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Evidence removed.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> DME volume unbelievably loud.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> DME volume set to more believable level.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> That's what they're for.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> IFF inoperative.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Suspected crack in windshield.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Suspect you're right.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Number 3 engine missing.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Engine found on right wing after brief search.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Aircraft handles funny.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> <b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>(I love this one!<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>)<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Aircraft warned to straighten up,<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> fly right,<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> and be serious.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Target radar hums.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Mouse in cockpit.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> <b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>(This one's great,<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> too!<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>)<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Cat installed.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Noise coming from under instrument panel.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Took hammer away from midget.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>


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aiolos

Wed 08 Feb, 2006


Re: Aeronautical Humor

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Tha last five are incredibly funny.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> <b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> <b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>:D