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BRAIN53

Thu 20 Sep, 2007


UPS pilots

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After every flight,<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> UPS pilots fill out a form,<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> called a <b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>"gripe sheet,<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>"<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> <b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> The mechanics
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
correct the problems,<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> document their repairs on the form,<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> and then
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Never let it be
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Here are some actual
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots <b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>(marked with a P)<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> and the
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
solutions recorded <b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>(marked with an S)<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> by maintenance engineers.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
By the way,<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> UPS is the only major airline that has never,<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> ever,<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
had an accident.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Almost replaced left inside main tire.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Test flight OK,<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> except auto-land very rough.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Something loose in cockpit
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Something tightened in cockpit
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Dead bugs on windshield.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Live bugs on back-order.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
minute descent
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Cannot reproduce problem on ground.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Evidence removed.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> DME volume unbelievably loud.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> DME volume set to more believable level.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> That's what friction locks are for.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> IFF inoperative in OFF mode.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Suspected crack in windshield.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Suspect you're right.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Number 3 engine missing
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Engine found on right wing after brief search.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Aircraft handles funny.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> <b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>(I love this one!<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>)<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Aircraft warned to:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> straighten up,<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> fly right,<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> and be serious.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Target radar hums.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Mouse in cockpit.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Cat installed.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
And the best one for last.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
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P:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Noise coming from under instrument panel.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Sounds like a
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
midget pounding on something with a hammer.<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>
S:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> Took hammer away from midget


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hbgator

Thu 20 Sep, 2007


Re: UPS pilots

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yes u did save the best for last <b style="color:#FFA34F"></b> <b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>:<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>)<b style="color:#FFA34F"></b>